WASTED

I'm just sitting here, every single day, rotting away in my living room. Waiting for the day, when I can finally step out of this bloody house, this neighbourhood.
And embrace the warm tight hugs of my friends. I am achieving nothing here at all. I feel so darn angry. But so what, nobody around helps me. My brother? Hmpt. Are we seriously blood related? Even as simple as buying some food for me so I can eat is like ripping off a piece of his skin. And all he knows is to eat and eat and eat and eat ALL THE FOOD AND JUNKIES I BOUGHT BEFORE I WAS SICK. Fuck you, seriously. I was starving my ass off for a few meals. And my grandma laughed at me when I ticked her off on the phone saying why hasn't she delivered my dinner up. Yeah, take your chance now and scold me in your heart saying, why scold your grandma, she's old and at least she took care of me.

Ya, try to coop yourself up at home for a week plus. Missing out on all the events, the outings, the gatherings, the people that I miss most. And even missing Christmas, damn. I wanna celebrate Christmas so much, with my lifegroup, with my churchmates but I'm stuck at home. And see if your mood doesn't boil up. Even at the slightest shit that's being thrown at me, I'll flare up immediately.

No one hears my cries at home. So I told myself not to cry anymore. But it sucks. Living here, with nobody.
Yes, I like being at home myself. But I hate being alone for far too long... I can't take it any longer. My patience has reached it's limits. Once the 26th is over, which is my 2 weeks of quarantine period, I'm gonna run out and scream and do the fuck I want cuz I deserve it.

I'm just wasting my life away at a sixteen year old damn it. And it's the holiday season and here I am, sulking away like a cry baby.
That's not the worst, my dad.. he can't stop asking, "when are you gonna find a job and work?" For fuck seriously?! I am here, tryna wait for the bloody dried up skin to heal and wait till it isn't contagious anymore, and there you are buzzing at my ear, as if I have the bloody mood to work after I can go out. He's been asking me that question since November mind you.

I swear I have the weirdest family. They scold us and take away the Internet just cuz we kept using the computer. I mean, what else can we do here?! Watch the bloody tv with no star hub cable cuz it needs to be replaced with the new one. Or jump around the dining table? Or make soap bubbles from the shampoo or wash the toilet every single day? Or just switch on the gas and make the house smoky so it'll be more fun to play with our nerf guns. But we don't have nerf guns, oh wait, we don't have the ka-ching cuz we are too POOR. Boohoo.

And when we keep going out just cuz we don't wanna keep getting scolded for every single reason they can list out, they'll find more reasons to scold us when we come back. I got this perfect example from my bro and the way he got treated. (Not tryna make my parents sound bad, they are good... sometimes)

I'm missing every single shit out there. I cry and no one hears. Yeah God does. He's here, somehow... But I don't feel it. I seriously don't. But I know, he's there, silently, healing me everyday. Test of faith and patience, I hope I'll pass...